It's been an interesting week.
One of my very closest friends is currently completely pissed off at me, to the point where I don't know that she's actually going to let me defend myself, or just continue to tell me what I bitch I am. It makes me sad that a friendship that long in the making can be completely dessicrated in a matter of an hour by one single person. Ouch.
Is it possible that this is my fault? Definitely, at least in part. It is without a doubt. It's funny though, that friendships are such fragile things.
Which brings me to my next point - what is 'real'? This has been something I've been dealing with a lot lately... trying to wrap my mind around the idea of just being straight up and honest with everything I do, all the time. In that case, I shouldn't have to be battling for my friendship here. We should just be able to hash it out because we'd both know that everything that has been said has been done so in the interest of complete honesty.
Unfortunately, just because I'm trying to work that way, doesn't mean the rest of the world does.
*sigh*
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Everyone else is doing it...
Well, no one acutally reads this... but since it's currently linked to a site people actually DO read (namely Michelle's blog) I guess I'll make an attempt to actually write on it again.
In fact, this could be a good way to get myself into writing again, on a more frequent basis than once a month. If that.
HA!
Letsse here... life is currently crazy. I've quit my cushy, well paying office job (with benefits!) for a job that barely lets me pay my bills. But I can dance at work. And wear whatever the hell I want. And let my tattoos hang out all over the place.
Basically, it lets me be ME.
But I don't get paid much.
Which sucks.
I'm getting new tattoos anyway, cuz it's part of what I do. And I still go to shows. And buy too much beer. And fruit, oddly enough. (But really, who can have too much beer and fruit?)
It would appear that my life right now is all about figuring myself out. I've been trying to do that for some time, but I've ultimately been unsuccessful.
Hopefully this time, I can hash a few things out.
Like what I'd like to DO with my life. That would be a good start...
In fact, this could be a good way to get myself into writing again, on a more frequent basis than once a month. If that.
HA!
Letsse here... life is currently crazy. I've quit my cushy, well paying office job (with benefits!) for a job that barely lets me pay my bills. But I can dance at work. And wear whatever the hell I want. And let my tattoos hang out all over the place.
Basically, it lets me be ME.
But I don't get paid much.
Which sucks.
I'm getting new tattoos anyway, cuz it's part of what I do. And I still go to shows. And buy too much beer. And fruit, oddly enough. (But really, who can have too much beer and fruit?)
It would appear that my life right now is all about figuring myself out. I've been trying to do that for some time, but I've ultimately been unsuccessful.
Hopefully this time, I can hash a few things out.
Like what I'd like to DO with my life. That would be a good start...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
"Even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea..."
It's beautiful here.
It really is.
I find I have to remind myself of it, every once and a while, as I still find myself wondering if moving here was the right thing to do, or just plain impetuous.
I have a nice little apartment, with a balcony. It's 30 seconds away from a huge park, and 10 minutes from downtown. I'm never cold (today I've been sweating all day - amazing!) and always bright, even when it's cloudy. The city is small, but bustling.
The biggest thing though, the thing that really sold me on moving here: the ocean. Two minutes away from me is the inlet, with the ocean crashing in and the mountains towering in the distance. And out from that - open water, as far as the eye can see.
I have to walk out there, every once and a while, just to remind myself.
This is why I came here.
It really is.
I find I have to remind myself of it, every once and a while, as I still find myself wondering if moving here was the right thing to do, or just plain impetuous.
I have a nice little apartment, with a balcony. It's 30 seconds away from a huge park, and 10 minutes from downtown. I'm never cold (today I've been sweating all day - amazing!) and always bright, even when it's cloudy. The city is small, but bustling.
The biggest thing though, the thing that really sold me on moving here: the ocean. Two minutes away from me is the inlet, with the ocean crashing in and the mountains towering in the distance. And out from that - open water, as far as the eye can see.
I have to walk out there, every once and a while, just to remind myself.
This is why I came here.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
New city - new life...?
Wow.
It's been a long time since I've posted on here... it's funny how changes in one part of your life seem to filter through and affect so many other parts.
Those of you who actually read this probably already know: I've picked up roots and moved to Victoria.
Why? Well, it's funny - I get asked that a lot and I still don't think I could give a concrete answer. Part of it was that I was considering going to school here. They have this rather interesting sounding writing course at the university here, all organized into workshops rather than actual classes. Part of it was that the rent is the same here as in Edmonton right now.
But a big part of it, the part that people really don't seem to get, is that I just needed to get away. Go somewhere completely new and different where nothing was the same as before and here was a good a place as any. I'd been planning Ireland anyway. This just came up first.
It's not quite what I expected. Not really. I mean, there are the little things: yes, there's more old people here, but there's also a LOT (and I mean a lot) of teenagers here! Masses of them! Anyone who tells you that Victoria is just a bunch of old people and university students has obviously never lived here - it's a lie. There are kids everywhere. It's spooky.
It's simultaneously more and less busy than I thought. I mean, there are more people on the street (I didn't take tourists into account) but everything is a lot more spread out. It's a trick getting groceries home, let me tell you.
But the big thing is, I'm a lot lonelier than I expected. I know I've only been here for three days, but I'm already going a little stir crazy for a job and a life and other things - didn't think that would set in so quickly.
Either way, I'm job hunting... hoping for the best, in all things. I know I'm not that old, but I really am starting to feel like I've got to get something figured out soon here or I'm going to be in deep water. I'd hoped this move would help give me some perspective... right now, all it's making me is more lost.
A job will help. A job will really help.
It's been a long time since I've posted on here... it's funny how changes in one part of your life seem to filter through and affect so many other parts.
Those of you who actually read this probably already know: I've picked up roots and moved to Victoria.
Why? Well, it's funny - I get asked that a lot and I still don't think I could give a concrete answer. Part of it was that I was considering going to school here. They have this rather interesting sounding writing course at the university here, all organized into workshops rather than actual classes. Part of it was that the rent is the same here as in Edmonton right now.
But a big part of it, the part that people really don't seem to get, is that I just needed to get away. Go somewhere completely new and different where nothing was the same as before and here was a good a place as any. I'd been planning Ireland anyway. This just came up first.
It's not quite what I expected. Not really. I mean, there are the little things: yes, there's more old people here, but there's also a LOT (and I mean a lot) of teenagers here! Masses of them! Anyone who tells you that Victoria is just a bunch of old people and university students has obviously never lived here - it's a lie. There are kids everywhere. It's spooky.
It's simultaneously more and less busy than I thought. I mean, there are more people on the street (I didn't take tourists into account) but everything is a lot more spread out. It's a trick getting groceries home, let me tell you.
But the big thing is, I'm a lot lonelier than I expected. I know I've only been here for three days, but I'm already going a little stir crazy for a job and a life and other things - didn't think that would set in so quickly.
Either way, I'm job hunting... hoping for the best, in all things. I know I'm not that old, but I really am starting to feel like I've got to get something figured out soon here or I'm going to be in deep water. I'd hoped this move would help give me some perspective... right now, all it's making me is more lost.
A job will help. A job will really help.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
So following Dave's lead, I shall hereby attempt to have a semi-regular post. I don't think that I could do the whole "every tuesday and thursday at noon" or anything like that, but I will at least attempt to take up my lunchbreak by writing in my blog at least a couple of times a week.
When I get a lunch break.
Which is rare these days.
(I shall also attempt to post about things that are relevant and actually require thought, rather than just whining. But you know how it is...)
So now, on a spur of the moment idea, I will talk about exactly what I established above: my lack of lunch break. No, I'm not going to whine (although it is tempting, I must admit). I actually think that this is an issue that crops up more often then not in the "new" business world.
What do I mean?
Well, think about it. There's no such thing as job security any more. This is in itself both good and bad, but that's for another discussion. This lack of job security means that to get 'ahead' in the business sector you have to make sure that you are somehow better for the job than person B. This means hard work, and something the industry likes to call "Work Ethic".
Oooo, work ethic. Sound fancy doesn't it. Sounds like something everyone should strive to have.
But really, what work ethic means (and I've actually looked this up in my corporate directory) is someone who is willing to put in extra hours and extra effort to get things done.
Now don't get me wrong, I think that giving 100% to just about everything you do is important. And sometimes you do require an extra little 'umph' to get that project you're working on just right. But I've been working through my lunch hour and an hour late each work day this week to ensure that I get everything 'up to snuff'.
If I don't get all of this done, what happens?
Bye bye new job, bye bye future promotions.
I don't actually think that I'm going to stay here for the rest of my days, but in order to make sure that I leave with a good review, I have to work my ass off (aka have a good "work ethic") just to make sure I get the bare minimum done.
And that's just stupid.
When I get a lunch break.
Which is rare these days.
(I shall also attempt to post about things that are relevant and actually require thought, rather than just whining. But you know how it is...)
So now, on a spur of the moment idea, I will talk about exactly what I established above: my lack of lunch break. No, I'm not going to whine (although it is tempting, I must admit). I actually think that this is an issue that crops up more often then not in the "new" business world.
What do I mean?
Well, think about it. There's no such thing as job security any more. This is in itself both good and bad, but that's for another discussion. This lack of job security means that to get 'ahead' in the business sector you have to make sure that you are somehow better for the job than person B. This means hard work, and something the industry likes to call "Work Ethic".
Oooo, work ethic. Sound fancy doesn't it. Sounds like something everyone should strive to have.
But really, what work ethic means (and I've actually looked this up in my corporate directory) is someone who is willing to put in extra hours and extra effort to get things done.
Now don't get me wrong, I think that giving 100% to just about everything you do is important. And sometimes you do require an extra little 'umph' to get that project you're working on just right. But I've been working through my lunch hour and an hour late each work day this week to ensure that I get everything 'up to snuff'.
If I don't get all of this done, what happens?
Bye bye new job, bye bye future promotions.
I don't actually think that I'm going to stay here for the rest of my days, but in order to make sure that I leave with a good review, I have to work my ass off (aka have a good "work ethic") just to make sure I get the bare minimum done.
And that's just stupid.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Why do I even HAVE a blog... I mean, really...
I never write in this thing. I mean, never. It's ridiculous really. Why do I have it? If I continuously refuse to update the thing, it's not like anyone's actually going to read it. You're all just going to give up (if you haven't already).
I'm having a weird evening today. It all stems from the fact that I just got a new job. A job that I swore I'd never take... I'd leave before I ended up there: but here I am. The new Administrative Assistant for the Customer Records Unit.
~sigh~
Given, it ups me by a couple of pay grades (and thus, a couple of thousand) and it looks great on a resume, but really, I never ever wanted this.
So thinking about how my life is currently turning out got me thinking about where it had all come from: reading old journals, thinking about people I haven't thought about in some time, generally stirring up old bones that should have remained buried.
And then I thought about Myspace, and my blog, and about how I never seem to give the time to them that would allow me to keep in touch with, well, some of those people.
And I'm rambling, and I should stop.
Now.
I'm having a weird evening today. It all stems from the fact that I just got a new job. A job that I swore I'd never take... I'd leave before I ended up there: but here I am. The new Administrative Assistant for the Customer Records Unit.
~sigh~
Given, it ups me by a couple of pay grades (and thus, a couple of thousand) and it looks great on a resume, but really, I never ever wanted this.
So thinking about how my life is currently turning out got me thinking about where it had all come from: reading old journals, thinking about people I haven't thought about in some time, generally stirring up old bones that should have remained buried.
And then I thought about Myspace, and my blog, and about how I never seem to give the time to them that would allow me to keep in touch with, well, some of those people.
And I'm rambling, and I should stop.
Now.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Eye Contact Conversations, Bus-twister and My Winter Cleaning
So, being car-less, I ride the bus more or less everyday. It's an interesting bubble in the world of social convention really. People all stuffed together, sitting (often with legs touching) beside a complete stranger that you usually don't even make eye contact with, or standing sardine-like staring fixedly at the window. Or the floor. Or the signs over your head. Anything but having to look at the people you're sardined in with. Many of us 'young folks' even wear headphones to warn off those who might try and make vocal contact with us. It's kind of weird really, but it works.
Every once and a while though, something happens on the bus that forces any number of us to react outside of what we usually would. Just the other day I was squeezed (and I mean squeezed) into the back door area of the bus on the way to work. Someone dings the bell, and then starts to make their way towards the door. Two things happened, that stuck in my memory being kinda funny and kinda different.
I looked up at the girl standing directly across from me, and she looked back. And we smiled.
Just like that.
She rolled her eyes and made a "geeze, where are we supposed to move now" face, and I grinned and rolled my eyes back at her. The guy standing beside her looked at us both, then shook his head and laughed. Together, we all shuffled over to one side of the door. Foot in, arm over, shoulder back - and voila, the door opened and people got out.
Then we all shuffled back into our respective spots and resumed staring at the floor.
But it was nice, for just a few seconds the three of us had an entire conversation without speaking a word. I smiled and waved at her as I got off the bus. People should really do that more often.
As for my winter clean-up - I decided today (well, last night actually) that it was high time for me to tidy up my 'internet connections'. You know, those people that you've had on MSN since you were in high school but really have no real desire to keep in touch with anymore? The ones that you said 'YES' to on Myspace but don't really know why their on your friends list? That stuff. It's funny in a way, that deleting someone off of whatever on the internet is taken as an insult.
Sometimes it is, I'm sure. But really, should I feel guilty for removing someone whom I don't particularity want to talk to anymore? And who I haven't heard from in months?
No. It's clutter damn it. It's taking up space!
So, I'm tidying. If I tidy you off, and you don't want to be - message me. E-mail me. Whatever. It's not an insult. It's just that I don't have the time or the energy to track down every single person in my e-mail list and see if they still want to talk to me. Nope. Not happening.
Then again, if you're actually reading my blog, you're probably still on my list anyway. Right? :)
Every once and a while though, something happens on the bus that forces any number of us to react outside of what we usually would. Just the other day I was squeezed (and I mean squeezed) into the back door area of the bus on the way to work. Someone dings the bell, and then starts to make their way towards the door. Two things happened, that stuck in my memory being kinda funny and kinda different.
I looked up at the girl standing directly across from me, and she looked back. And we smiled.
Just like that.
She rolled her eyes and made a "geeze, where are we supposed to move now" face, and I grinned and rolled my eyes back at her. The guy standing beside her looked at us both, then shook his head and laughed. Together, we all shuffled over to one side of the door. Foot in, arm over, shoulder back - and voila, the door opened and people got out.
Then we all shuffled back into our respective spots and resumed staring at the floor.
But it was nice, for just a few seconds the three of us had an entire conversation without speaking a word. I smiled and waved at her as I got off the bus. People should really do that more often.
As for my winter clean-up - I decided today (well, last night actually) that it was high time for me to tidy up my 'internet connections'. You know, those people that you've had on MSN since you were in high school but really have no real desire to keep in touch with anymore? The ones that you said 'YES' to on Myspace but don't really know why their on your friends list? That stuff. It's funny in a way, that deleting someone off of whatever on the internet is taken as an insult.
Sometimes it is, I'm sure. But really, should I feel guilty for removing someone whom I don't particularity want to talk to anymore? And who I haven't heard from in months?
No. It's clutter damn it. It's taking up space!
So, I'm tidying. If I tidy you off, and you don't want to be - message me. E-mail me. Whatever. It's not an insult. It's just that I don't have the time or the energy to track down every single person in my e-mail list and see if they still want to talk to me. Nope. Not happening.
Then again, if you're actually reading my blog, you're probably still on my list anyway. Right? :)
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